All about Jane – Postscript
All about Jane. That was what I had originally wanted to call my blog, as it seemed to sum up my life for the past year or so. Jane, my ex-therapist – despite an absence of many months, she still feels...
View ArticleNumbness and denial – but somewhere underneath there’s this…..
“……I have been waiting until the end of this week to reply to you as I have been finalising some decisions about, in effect, moving towards retirement…………..I am thus sorry to let you know that I will...
View ArticleWaiting to fall – BPD and obsessive attachments
*TRIGGER WARNING* – descriptions of obsessive/hypomanic feelings [The quotes at the beginning of each Part of this post, are from ‘The Buddha and the Borderline’ by Kiera Van Gelder.] Part I – What “Of...
View ArticleWhy I won’t be writing a blog post this weekend
[Quotes are from ‘Love the way you lie Part II’ by Rihanna, featuring Eminem] “On the first page of our story The future seemed so bright Then this thing turned out so evil I don’t know why I’m still...
View ArticleFaith
I find it difficult writing a post about religion. I think it’s at least partly because religion was such a controversial topic between my mother and me that it’s always been a discussion best...
View ArticleMy borderline mind
For forty-eight hours after my last therapy session, I felt utterly broken. I cried then slept. I slept then cried. Amongst the battle of words going on inside my head, a few sentences crystallised to...
View ArticleHope for love
For many couples affected by mental illness, this Valentine’s Day won’t be about candle-lit dinners, flowers, or romantic dates; looking forward to the future or reminiscing about the past. It will be...
View ArticleBPD, sexual orientation and relationship choice
A little while ago I found this paper published in 2008 in the Journal of Personality Disorders, and have been meaning to share it ever since: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3203737/ For...
View ArticleExploding kittens – this is actually a post about my marriage
Damn it. You know when your other half does something to completely ruin the mood? When you’ve got yourself into the right head-space, prepared the music, had a drink, and then they say or do something...
View ArticleNever enough? BPD and the need for connection
I have been reminded quite forcefully this week, of the fact that I have BPD. Not that it’s particularly easy to forget; but I think it’s fair to say that over the last year or so, the ‘label’ I clung...
View ArticleFeeling grateful
For various reasons I have been really anxious about this week, for quite some time. The weekend before last was very similar in many ways to the one I wrote about in my post ‘Why taking a pledge to...
View ArticleDo you love the inner child?
Over the last few years I’ve been very much aware of the fact that my marriage has been ‘parental’ in nature. Even before our relationship started to deteriorate and I began to react to my husband in...
View ArticleThe pain of Mother’s Day
Part I – Estranged families It is Mother’s Day in the UK on Sunday 6 March. I’m looking forward to celebrating it with my own children, but am aware of the desire to ignore and minimise it as much as …...
View ArticleThe difficulty of projections in our relationships
Strong inter-personal relationships are vital to maintaining good mental health, but mental illness can put enormous strain on those relationships. That’s when therapy can help – and not just those...
View ArticleA tale of three houses: therapy, progress, and internal conflict
“You came to me like that house – unfinished, a work in progress….” This half-house is an unfinished house – a beautiful place I visited and told my therapist about. It captured my imagination because...
View ArticleCommunicating with the inner child: dreams, stories, songs
There are some truly iconic movie theme tunes and soundtracks that are as much a part of the experience and legacy of the film, as the plot and characters themselves. In the same way, many of us have...
View ArticleA new experience of mother, Part 1
I could never have guessed, a few years ago, that my process of recovery would involve becoming aware of the different ‘parts’ or voices inside me, getting to know them better and understanding where...
View ArticleA new experience of mother, Part 2
What follows is a bridge – a bridge between the ‘new mother’ relationship between the parts of myself described in Part 1 of ‘A new experience of mother‘, and the ‘new mother’ relationship between me...
View ArticleAccepting otherness and separateness
I wrote these words, and placed them on this image, during the winter of 2014. I think it may have been shortly after writing ‘My borderline mind‘, which itself was written following some very...
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